Whether or not you are open about your hearing loss, there often comes a point at which you just can’t try to listen anymore.
I’m very open about my hearing loss. At this point, in fact, my hearing loss practically defines me, since I write and speak about it. The other night at a dinner party in a restaurant, the woman sitting next to me said she’d heard I was some kind of disability guru. A slight distortion but I like it.
There were seven of us at dinner, the others were in couples, I was on my own and knew only the hosts. They had told me in advance who would be there, so I didn’t have to struggle with names. The specials were on a blackboard, so I knew what I was ordering. The restaurant was reasonably quiet. So far so good.
The woman on my right was a well-known feminist scholar and I was slightly intimidated. But she was funny and friendly and very interesting. She was on my good side so I heard her her well.
After a while it seemed only polite to turn to the people on our other sides. On my left, my bad ear, was a man who was also hard of hearing. His bad ear was facing my bad ear. By twisting and leaning in and trying not to fall into my dinner plate, I caught enough for a reasonably coherent discussion.
Towards the end of dinner, over dessert and coffee, the conversation got more general, and apparently more hilarious, as everyone was laughing. It’s fun to watch people laugh – at least for a while. As it got funnier and funnier. I got more and more tired and stressed.
Under other circumstances- – with closer friends, if I were not a guest – I might have excused myself. But I didn’t know these people well and everyone had been very generous in acknowledging my hearing loss and speaking clearly. Now they were just enjoying themselves, and it seemed wrong to interrupt and ask that I be included. In fact, at that point there was probably no way I could have been included as the restaurant had gotten busy and loud.
The alternative was to excuse myself and leave. But I knew that would break up the conversation and probably end the evening. So I didn’t. Instead I relied on that old standby – faking it. I think it was the right decision.
What would you have done?
For more about hearing health, my book “Smart Hearing.” will tell you everything I know about hearing loss, hearing aids, and hearing health.