Talking About Hearing Loss With Someone Who Doesn’t Want to Listen

The one question I am asked more than any other is: “How do I talk to my spouse about hearing loss?”

Older couple enjoying a cup of tea together Every time I try to bring the subject up, they say, the spouse brushes it off. “I can hear fine,” is the impatient reply. Or, “It’s because you mumble.” Or, “It’s too loud in this restaurant.” Or —and this is the most frustrating — “Maybe I do, but it doesn’t bother me.”

“Well, it bothers me,” you may be tempted to reply. Not a good idea.

What might work is to turn the discussion around. “Honey,” you say, “have you noticed that I’m missing things people say? I think I might be losing some of my hearing.”

Honey may look at you suspiciously.

“There’s a free clinic at the university where they do hearing tests,” you go on. “I’m going to go down there. There are so many new devices to help you hear better these days.”

“Hearing aids,” Honey says.

“Yeah, hearing aids. But also these things that work like hearing aids but cost about a tenth as much. I hear they’re great for mild hearing loss. I’m missing a lot of what they’re saying on TV, and also when we eat out I can never hear the specials.”

“Like I said,” Honey says. “Restaurants are too loud.”

“Anyway,” you continue. “It might just be earwax and it would be good to get that out.”

No response.

“I read the other day that you can use a smartphone as a hearing aid. I can turn my iPhone into a microphone — I read about it on Giz Mag. There’s another thing you can use with an IPhone or an Android that looks great. I read about it in the Times. You’ve gotten me hooked on this tech stuff.”

No response.

“There’s also this cool device that works kind of like a hearing aid but it looks just like a Bluetooth — called theSoundhawk. In fact there are all sorts of things that aren’t hearing aids but sound pretty great.”

Honey: “Hmft.”

“I’m going to go down to the clinic tomorrow and maybe stop off at the Apple store and check out the new stuff. Can you drive me, in case I can’t park?”

Honey agrees to drive you. You find a parking spot. No point in sitting in the hot car, Honey thinks. Might as well have the hearing test. I’m here anyway.

If you can get Honey to the hearing test, that’s a big first step. If the visit results in a halfway solution like thesmartphone app or the Soundhawk, that’s not a bad second step.

Turns out you have some hearing loss, too. The audiologist suggests the Bean, since you don’t really want to look like a Wall Street trader wearing the Soundhawk. It’s invisible. Then, maybe down the road, hearing aids.

Honey goes for the Soundhawk. The power look. The average wait between discovering you need a hearing aid and actually getting one is seven years, so get started now.

Photo: annebaek/iStock

Katherine Bouton is the author of Shouting Won’t Help, a memoir of adult-onset hearing loss. She has had progressive bilateral hearing loss since she was 30 and blogs about healthy living — and healthy aging — at Hear Better With Hearing Loss. She is a member of the Board of Trustees of the Hearing Loss Association of America.

This post first appeared on the AARP website: Healthy Hearing, by Katherine Bouton. 

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